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  • Writer's pictureMama Maven

Words that piss off women with infertility

Updated: Oct 5, 2021

Just relax, and it'll happen. Go on vacation. Don't get so stressed out.

These are just a few examples of the many phrases I heard from well-meaning people along my infertility journey. For some people, this advice works, but for those of us who are afflicted with this heart-wrenching disease, it stings.

Infertility sucks big ones, to put it lightly. It is both emotionally and financially draining. You see, treatment is VERY expensive and often not covered by medical insurance. It's like a slap in the face every time you reach for the credit card or checkbook. But to quote one of my friends who sadly also knows the pain and anguish of infertility, "We just keep on keeping on and make lemonade with our lemons." It is what we have to do. We really have no other choice.

We move forward and it makes us stronger. I am a different person today because of my struggles. And because of where I've been, I am thrilled to be where I am today, even in the tough times. That is not to say that my 11-year-old doesn't drive me batty at times, but I often think about a time when I didn't even know I'd be lucky enough to be her mother and then the outbursts and eye rolls don't seem like such a big deal. That is the silver lining, my friends.

I went on the infertility journey twice—the first time we were successful in conceiving our daughter through IVF. The second time, we did two rounds of frozen embryo transfer (FET), both of which were successful but sadly ended in miscarriage.

Seven years ago, we decided our family would forever be a family of three, and any more babies would be of the furry variety. At this point, we still had two frozen embryos (snow babies) left and made the decision to donate them to a special couple in need. This was not an easy decision to make and took a lot of soul searching, but we knew it was the right one for us.

Every once in a while, I feel pangs of guilt that my daughter will not have a sibling to grow up with, but it is short-lived. Today, I am proud to say I am what the infertility community calls resolved.

My advice to anyone going through the same fate is to keep up hope and take each day (and setback) in stride. My advice to anyone with a loved one struggling with infertility is to provide a sympathetic ear. You don't have to say anything, just listen and please never say what I heard so many times—"just relax, and it'll happen."

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