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  • Writer's pictureMama Maven

Can moms really have it all?

This is a question I ask myself almost daily. I have friends from all walks of life—some are mothers and some are not. Of my friends with children, some opt to stay home while others, like myself, prefer to work outside the home. With all of our differences, we have one thing in common—the struggle between being a good mom and retaining our own identity. And the struggle is real, y'all.

With the push and pull (mostly pull) of motherhood, do we really have "me time"? The answer is a resounding "NO".

Even when we're away from the kids, we are thinking of them and rushing back to spend time with them. After all, we feel guilty if we're napping while the kids are awake. We feel like we've lost an appendage if we sneak out to do some shopping by ourselves.

When we finally do carve out some time to go shopping by ourselves (or for ourselves which is even more rare), we often come back with clothing, toys, etc. for our kids. After all, if we have extra money to spend, aren't we being selfish by not spending it on the kids? But is this kind of thinking really healthy?

Men don't appear to have these same struggles. Why is this? I think it is because, historically, men were the ones earning the income while women stayed home to raise the children. In other words, they are used to spending more time away from the children. But then, so are working women.

Or, maybe it is biological? Hormonal? I lean towards biology more than hormones. Don't get me wrong. I have no doubt that something very magical happens to us when we carry a child for 9 months. That bond is unbreakable but the same is true of mothers who adopt children.

Whatever the rhyme or reason, we all need to remember that we deserve (and need) guilt-free time to ourselves and away from the kids. Even if we just take little moments throughout the day —a hot bath, a walk around the block, or a trip to the grocery store—having time to ourselves recharges our batteries and in my humble opinion, makes us better moms.

Yes, I am very much trying to convince myself too.

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